I'm at my parents tonight because I have a CT scan tomorrow. As I drove into town I played my loud rock for dad and went to pat him on the head, as that's what I'd do every time I'd walk into the house, and out if he didn't get up to walk me out (which he normally did). Someone put new flowers on him and cleared away all the old dead ones. The compression I made the first time, so I patted him in the same spot.
When I got here, their garage was open and yet again I thought he was here, and was slammed in the face with reality. Even though the whole drive here I'd been thinking about it, the realization still hit me between the eyes like a fastball.
We sat here and talked about him for a while and my mom said "I wish someone would say he was a grouch so I can agree" so I did, and we talked about how his voicemail sounds like he's pissed off, because honestly it most likely took him 20 minutes to figure out how to 1. record it and then 2. make sure it worked.
My mom had me write down my donut order for the morning and she complained that my handwriting is just like his and she could not read a thing I wrote. She gave me the stamp they made so he didn't have to sign documents all the time, as well as a pen set his older brother gave him that he was very scared to use, AKA never did, so I'll put those with all the pens I'll never use because they're nice and I don't want to mess them up.
I got the bottom 4 rows done on my mom's Snoopy cross stitch, yesterday. That doesn't seem like a ton and it really doesn't look like it either, but it took hours. I think I can get it done by her birthday. I called my brother to see if they'll come up for her birthday, too, because I know it will be hard without dad.
I've been training slayer hard on RS because I want it over with. I hit 91 today, and I need 93. That's only a million(ish) more exp :| Kael, I have "Fishing" playing right now. I still think it's hilarious that you tried the game for two days, got flamed and were given money, then got hacked immediately. Seriously wtf lmao.
I did remember my mom played a looong time ago, back when I was in junior high, and played for less time than Kael did. I don't think she even finished cooking assistant. I took a stab at the password and got it because she's used the same two my entire life, go figure. This is a PSA to heighten your digital security. Anyway, I'm going to add her account to my arsenal because why not. I won't give any of my old accounts membership unless I absolutely need to, but it will be nice to have an extra in case Dietn and I ever do make our GIMs.
Also, I censored my old posts and reuploaded them to, I guess, remember what it was like to be 23 and still relatively okay.
The weird thing is that it was also 10 years ago that my dad went to the ER because he was on too many pills (his doctors suck, but I won't get into that) and I remember thinking "this is it."
No, my dear, you still had a good decade with him. I've been thinking about when "My dad just died" turns to "he recently passed" to "he passed a few months ago" to "it was a while ago" to "years ago" and I don't like it. At all. I don't want to leave him in the past.
These thoughts, though, make me think of Ocarina of Time. Sheik's cryptic quotes always stuck with me, but these resonate right now:
"The flow of time is always cruel... its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it... a thing that doesn't change with time is a memory of younger days."
"Time passes, people move... Like a river's flow, it never ends... a childish mind will turn to noble ambition... young love will become deep affection... The clear water's surface reflects growth."
As the lyrics from "Hurt" says "If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way."
Me too. Through all of it. There are choices I could have made better and people I could have avoided, but I wouldn't want to change the fact that I am who I am, with the people I'm with.
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