It's been hard to face the fact that, ultimately, the downfall was from a dependence to a prescription. I wish we had more time. I wish you would have listened to me a decade ago. I wish you weren't so afraid of pain. 

it feels like as the years go by, and i listen to skyrim atmospheres every night, still, each autumn pulled on more and more things i desperately miss.

i wish i could hug kael and shirley. 

i wish i could talk to my dad one more time.

i wish i could go back to the first time i heard this song. 

the neurologist is treating me for the same stuff you had, but he's wary because my arms randomly lose all feeling in them, and i have no feeling at all in my first fingers on the right hand.

i wish i had free time again. tonight my heart hurts and i miss you a lot. 

I had a good dream about you last night. I was trying to go home, and you were sitting in your chair reading the newspaper. I told you "I have to go, Dad." and you said "Well, you'll be back won't you?" and I got in your chair to give you a hug. You were young, like I remember you when I was a child. 

I'll come back if you show me where to find you.

yesterday has been 8 weeks. i needed chapstick, and i remembered that you always had a million tubes of the same kind because you'd leave them in your pocket and mom would wash them. I hated that kind, but something made me think of you and yours. 

today i pulled out my larger hoodie and lol

why the hell was this in there? 

Every time there's a setback, it's not as devastating as before. I never thought I'd cry over chapstick. It came after a half dream of you laughing, and it made me realize I'd never hear it again, but that it reminded me of Granny, too. I miss you both so much. I know you'd tell me to quit blubbering. 

I put your picture up at work today, and for some reason that was hard. 

Ever forward.